It appears to be beyond the capabilities of many people to work out what their own email address is and to use it to sign themselves up for online services rather than using one of my email addresses. It's irritating and takes time away from my work.

The problem is that I signed up for the email address [email protected] some time ago, and people who have the same last name seem not to realise that their email address isn't my email address. I've now started documenting these occurences below:

Tammy Hembrow

In 2017, Tammy Hembrow signed herself up repeatedly to Kik, each time using my email address of her own. This produced a torrent of spam, including several photos of a scantily clad Tammy. Kik Messenger is an anonymous chat programme which has seems rather seedy and has a reputation for being insecure. It's also been quite controversial for various horrible reasons. I really wanted nothing to do with it so repeatedly sent requests to their support email address asking that the account linked to my email address be removed, only to repeatedly find myself signed up again. It's been a while now since I received any of their spam so perhaps this was eventually resolved.

Tammy was quite persistent on Kik and the same Tammy seems to have signed me up to something called "aeo connected". Discount vouchers for an online clothing shop ? I'm no more interested in that than I was in Kik messenger. Tammy: Please learn to type your own email address.

Winnie Hembrow

In 2018, Winnie Hembrow signed up for Mercado Libre, a sales website which seems to be used mainly in Mexico. Everything is in Spanish on the website, and the spam that they sent me was also in Spanish. Because Winnie had reacted to several sellers and asked questions about their products I was sent replies to her questions about items that I've never had an interest in, in Spanish, for several weeks. I reset the password and set the displayed name for the account to "This user does not exist". Winnie won't be able to use this account any more because I reset the password. If she had used her own email address this wouldn't have happened.

Colin Hembrow

In early 2018, Colin Hembrow asked for a quotation about installation of underfloor insulation in his home in New Zealand. It's a great idea to do this, we did the same to our home and it's amongst measures which have cut our energy consumption significantly, but you will only receive a reply to your request if you remember to use your own email address.

Courtney Hembrow

Also in 2018, Courtney Hembrow signed me up for monitoring of patient care in Calvary, Australia. I've been asked to fill in a survey on her behalf. They provide no means for feedback, only a "do not reply" email address so I filled in their survey as the freeform text boxes were the only way of providing feedback about their having sent email to the wrong address. Hopefully they will remove my email address from future mailings.

I'm sure all patients of Calvary, Little Company of Mary Health Care, will be pleased to know of the 82% hand hygiene score. Please make sure your patients give you their correct email address

Lindon Hembrow

On the 23rd of October 2018, Lindon Hembrow of Peace River, Alberta, Canada took his 2017 Ford Focus car for servicing at Peace River Ford. How do I know this ? Because on the 31st of October Peace River Ford sent me email to ask for feedback about his experience.

Do I know how well the service went ? Of course not. I live in a different country thousands of kilometres away and have never met Lindon or his car. Can I make up a Halloween story about it ? I can try:

When Lindon went to collect his car he was given the keys to a 2001 Focus with ten times as many km on the clock, dents in every door, a crack in the windscreen, a blood stain on the driver's seat, someone elses rubbish in the footwell and a dead body on the back seat. He's been driving that car every hour since the 23rd of October because the dead body is now controlling him. On the 23rd of October 2019 the haunted Focus will return to Peace River Ford with more dents, more blood and an extra body on the back seat. If you have your car serviced at Peace River Ford you could be the next victim.

I suggest that Lindon makes sure that in future he definitely uses his own email address when filling in forms. Of course he might already have done so so I also suggest that Peace River Ford make sure they use customers' correct email addresses for sending out surveys. Oh, and I also suggest you stop driving cars. They're a disaster for the planet and all of us who live on it. Everyone would benefit if Lindon, the good people of Peace River and everyone else rode bicycles instead of driving. Should any of them then buy bicycle parts from us and give their correct email addresses when doing so, we will take care that no-one's private information is spammed around the internet to the wrong people.

Gemma Hembrow

On the 11th of November 2018, Gemma Hembrow ordered flowers from seranataflowers.com (a business based in Malta, presumably to avoid paying tax) for delivery to Louise Clegg of Bromley on the 12th of November. How do I know this ? Because Gemma Hembrow doesn't know her own email address and used mine instead.

Serenata Flowers sent Louise's full address to me, which is a bit of a data leak, though probably not a very important leak because her address may well also be in the phone book for anyone to find.

Bill Hembrow

I have absolutely no idea who Bill Hembrow is but this email appears to be for him. If you're out there, Bill, Sandra Taylor seems to be trying to resign Robert Taylor from your lodge:

If I had a lodge and Robert Taylor was a member I would of course happily accept his resignation, but first I'd check that this really was his resignation. I would most certainly think twice about someone else offering anyone's resignation from anything, even if they had the same surname. This might be important. I don't know.

Anyway, as I've no idea who this email was supposed to go to, and it seems that the person who sent it has no idea either, Robert will probably remain a member for the forseeable future.

Juanita Hembrow

Juanita Hembrow of Washington in the USA ordered something from Forever Living Products in Phoenix. The tracking information shows that it was successfully delivered on the 21st of May 2019, but Juanita won't have known when it would arrive because the tracking information was sent to me.

If you want to know where your parcel is, it's best to use your own email address when ordering. If you don't care, please don't use my address.

Craig Hembrow

I don't know who Craig Hembrow is, but he apparently just (May 2019) created "CorpPass User account(s)", according to the email that I just received from Lily of BSP Management Pte Ltd. It seems to be something important related to the Singapore government, but who knows...

Perhaps they regularly send out information like this to random strangers on the other side of the world. Perhaps they don't. I think they shouldn't.

Welcome to Dotti

July 2019. What is "Dotti" ? Nothing that I'm interested in, and not something that I'd sign myself up for. However, some dippy person has signed me up for it. Presumably it's an idiot from Australia who did this because it's an Australian oriented webshop which sells clothes. Anyway, yet another to unsubscribe from...

George Hembrow DW Fitness First

October 2019. I've no interest in this website, but George Hembrow has for some reason signed me up for it.

Luno

October 2019. I've no interest in Luno but some anonymous idiot has signed me up for it.

The Battersby's bathroom

Someone sent me email to say they're doing something with their bathroom. I've no idea who they are but as they were kind enough to share their email and photo with me, here it is:

Hi
As discussed we are doing a bathroom Reno

Photos attached . Bath will go same place with waste same end. Toilet same place , shower same place, waste same . Vanity will be single fawcett as opposed to current two

Will start in around 3 or 4 weeks withost plumbing work another three weeks after that

Thanks!

Pamela Hembrow's AIG life insurance

March 2020. Someone called Pamela Hembrow has requested a life insurance quote from a company called AIG.

Naturally, I wish Pamela a long and healthy life. So does her insurance company. But next time try using your own email address to sign up.

Jaylon is on Instagram

March 2020. Someone has signed up my email address to Instagram. Apparently I know someone called Jaylon. I doubt that very much. I long ago blocked all Facebook's IP addresses to avoid interacting with this horrible company.

Phil and the Stair Rail in New Zealand

May 2020. Someone called Phil apparently had a "chat" with Libby this morning, who had another "chat" with Amanda. Between them they're trying to decide on the design of a stair rail. Unfortunately, they didn't send their email about this to Phil but to me. I don't install stair rails in New Zealand.

Rebecca bought some lighting

June 2020. It seems that someone called Rebecca Hembrow spent quite a lot of money on lighting from a company called Lighting Direct Limited in Manakau near Auckland in New Zealand and paid using "Flo2Cash". For some reason she or one of the companies involved decided to send the email about this to me. I've reproduced part of it here because then Rebecca will be able to find it. Flo2Cash claims to offer "Intelligent Recurring Payments". What's "intelligent" about sending this information to the wrong person without even checking that the email address is valid.

Windsor Ford and Lindon's car lease again

It's so tempting to "touch base" with Abe Dueck by writing back to tell him that that the Ford Focus is an awful car (which it is - all cars are awful), or that I've crashed it and skipped the country so they can find it parked outside the city at , or something similar. But instead I'll just post this email here. If Lindon wants to know about his car lease he can find the communication from Windsor Ford about the lease right here.

After all, I did actually try to contact them before and tell them that they had the wrong email address and they ignored me, so why bother again now ?

Chris Hembrow's Best Deal Car Service trip itinerary

Chris Hembrow is going on a trip. He may not know that though because Best Deal Car Service has sent his itinerary to my email address.

Pauline Hembrow has booked me a holiday

My email tells me that there's a holiday booked for me through stayz.com.au in Victor Harbor, South Australia. That's a nice surprise... Or is it ? Perhaps Pauline Hembrow is just another of these confused people who don't know their own email address. Or perhaps stayz.com.au is one of those companies whih just isn't very good at making sure they don't leak out people's booking details to strangers. Or perhaps a mistake was made by propery manager, Narelle Stewart ? One of them made a fault and sent this to me but I guess we'll never find out who.

It continues. Two more emails today, one confirming that nearly $1200 had been paid for this holiday and the other from the property manager.



I responded by thanking Narelle for organising a party location for our fictitious son and his unruly friends, asking where disco lighting and a DJ can be hired, and letting her know that I did not want to pay the additional $500 bond... before also revealing that the reply was not from Pauline and requesting that I don't want to receive more junk mail from them. I suspect that this email won't be read as I have very rarely received a confirmation when I've replied to email for a different Hembrow.

Much to my surprise, I did receive a rather rude reply from Narelle. It seems it's my fault that she, her customer or the website they work with are spamming me.

DO NOT USE STAYZ.COM.AU, HomeAway or ljhooker.com.au / LJ Hooker / Narelle Stewart to book holiday accommodation. None of them have anythe slightest concern about your privacy and they will spam you eternally if you should ever give them your contact details. Their spam continues to stack up though I've used their online forms several times to try to contact them and inform them of this problem.

Pamela Hembrow's life insurance

3rd of August 2020. Pamela Hembrow, who took out life insurance with AIG in March (see above), now seems to have cancelled that same life insurance policy. Or at least stopped payments into it. Or maybe she didn't, but someone else did. How could anyone know ? AIG life insurance has in any case tried to contact her about this but because either they don't know her real email address or she never gave it to them, they're again contacting me instead.

Cathy or Chris, or someone

27th of August. Someone is trying to use my email address to recover their Google account. It'll work better if you use your own email address, or that of someone you know.